As we approach the end of 2009, many sites, blogs, magazines, journalists have been compliling their lists of the best of this year and decade. Instead, let us look into the musical crystal ball to provide a little glimpse of 2010 in music.
Disclaimer: I do not nor have I ever owned a crystal ball. All predictions are based on scientific data compiled by the scientists currently imprisoned by Hightower And Jones and based on relevence, humor and the small possibility that it could happen...well, it could.
Lady Gaga will become the No.1 Halloween costume as she, in fact, will become one of her own stage costumes for retail purchase.
Dr. Dre will release Detox.
After years of merging Rap and Rock, Country and Opera will meet each other as Shania Twain will record numbers from Aida.
Kanye West will give an award to Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Music Awards thus giving people a reason to keep talking about their original VMA moment or about the VMAs in general.
Early 90's era dance music will make a resurrgence as Mary Mark and the Funky Bunch, Londonbeat and Snap will go out on tour. In a related note, Mark Wahlberg will cease being funky after the tour is over to talk to animals.
The biggest reunion of the year will be 'Til Tuesday.
Insane Clown Posse will pull a Kiss move and start performing without makeup. Fans will complain until a new joker card reveals this was the plan all along.
Axl Rose will begin discussions to release leftover material from Chinese Democracy as new Guns N' Roses albums. This material will surface 2024.
T-Pain will work with Bob Ezrin to re-record Kiss's Music From "The Elder" in auto-tune with guess appearances from Lil' Wayne and Kanye West.
Lilith Fair will dupe it audience by promising them a show geared for women by offering them a Creed concert. A riot will ensue that will make the Montreal 1992 Metallica/Guns N' Roses riot look like the intro to Little House On The Prarie.
Simon Cowell will pull off his mask to reveal he was really the crusty, old janitor of the amusement park and would have gotten away with American Idol's reign of terror had it not been for those pesky kids and their meddling dog.
Keytar Hero will finally exist and all of the song options will be New Wave songs and early 80's Rush.
The Chicken Tetrazzini Lady from Maury will chart as high as No.2 in Germany with a dance mash-up fusing her hatred of poultry inspired dishes with David Hasselhoff's cover of "Hooked On A Feeling."
These are the Hightower And Jones predictions for 2010. Beware...be cautious...be free...speaking of which, time to free the scientists.
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