Video Graveyard

Since the inception of the music video as a viable musical promotional tool, there have been a lot of videos involving zombies. For example, there is, of course, the legendary clip for "Thriller" as well as "Scream" by Misfits which was directed by the lord of the zombies, George Romero. Let us not forget videos starring The Rolling Stones, Lou Reed or Ke$ha over the last 20 years. One video that hardly ever shows up on the radar is Phantom Planet's clip for "Big Brat" from their third self-titled album. The clip directed by Spike Jonze is pays homage to the old "B" horror movies of yesterday while offering a sweet and bizarre love story. Even more of a reason to love this video. Enjoy this zombie love story in all of its uncensored glory from a band that is clearly obsessed with the dead/undead. Never mind the fact that they wrote and recorded songs called "Raise the Dead" "The Living Dead" and "Stiffs" or appeared on American Dreams as The Zombies or even recorded a song for Stubbs the Zombie (sadly overlooked game), it is the lyrics is "Always on My Mind" that makes me wonder about their love of the undead. You say love song, I say zombie raising incantation.

Video Graveyard

There have been very few videos that have caused an equal combination of hysterical laughter, embarrassment and confusion. In fact, I can safely say that there is really only one video. "Muscles" by Diana Ross is, without a doubt, the video that makes me loathe and enjoy all there is about 80's music videos. This Michael Jackson (why Jacko, why?) penned hit features Ross dreaming about scantily clad men surrounding her, doing cartwheels on her arm and just existing as 80's eye candy. Somehow, she manages to fly over one guy's body while he features some suburban landscape on top of him. Combine this with the glow of soft lighting and you will find one of the cheesiest videos ever made to the point of calling it laughably atrocious (so...it's like "Physical" with more skin and less mustaches). While I enjoy the camp value of this video, it also makes me embarrassed to have been born in the 80's and early 80's at that. Something tells me that future generations will find this video and think that all men were ripped, all women were surrounded these same men and everything we did was surrounded by a soft, fuzzy glow and smeared in petroleum jelly. Wait, I think that is my life now as I am totally ripped, glowing and half naked on a bed with Diana Ross right now. Even with that joke, I feel embarrassed. "Muscles," you won yet another round.

Video Graveyard (NFSW Edition)

It's Wednesday and H & J knows exactly what "hump day" means. Okay, I actually have no clue what that means but a couple of fans of The Coathangers definitely understand the concept in this fan-made video for "Nestle in My Boobies." The song is one of many highlights from their self-titled debut but this video...this video is something else entirely. In summary, there is a lot of humping over background visuals of...well..yeah. I think I will just let you watch this from the privacy of your own home. Nonetheless, it is a video featuring air humping, dancing and some sexy, sexy melodica playing.

Video Graveyard

Oh, Rebecca Black. It seems like only yesterday that you wowed us with your hit single "Friday" and taught us that it comes after Thursday, before Saturday and Sunday and that we must get down on that particular day. Also, the debate over with seat she should choose presented 2011 with its biggest crisis since wondering how American Idol would survive in a post-Simon Cowell world. As amusing as the song was, it was never explained why and how she and her 13-year-old friends were driving places and partying late at night. At 13, all I did was play Sega Genesis, watch The Box and crush on girls I could not get then and, in many cases, still could not get now.

Video Graveyard

Video Graveyard was created for two reasons. One was to pay tribute to the concept of the music video, an art form still utilized but not given the same respect as it was given in the past. The second reason was to humorously look at older, somewhat forgotten videos. In other words, the visual work of early 80's Adam Ant (or Adam and the Ants) is the exact reason for which this piece exists.

Video Graveyard

Mr. Biggs, you really have to keep your ladies on lockdown. The first second they come into contact with R. Kelly, the game is over and it results in you having to threaten or beat him with your bodyguards. The videos that I am referring to are a pair of videos featuring R. Kelly as a young Lothario-type incapable of following orders and Ronald Isley as Mr. Biggs, the smooth older gentlemen with a problem of keeping his women faithful due to a penchant of hiding swords in canes. In a way, these videos are a much more logical and semi-humorous precursor to "Trapped in the Closet" as they both tell stories of infidelities and involve some form of violence. Unlike "Trapped in the Closet," there are no dwarfs hiding under sinks, people with food allergies to cherries making cherry pie and people who should know each other yet they somehow do not. Yes, these videos are the more logical version. That is a truly scary thought.

Video Graveyard

Musicians are clearly the spokespeople for any business from restaurant chains (MC Hammer for Kentucky Fried Chicken) to filing taxes (Vanilla Ice for TurboTax). Why not? People love music and, furthermore, they buy products so it is a winning combination. The downside to this is that, usuallly, the ads are extremely cheesy and do very little to help the artist's reputation (see MC Hammer ads circa 1991-93 for any and all examples). In this case,it increases my love for a band and makes me hungry. This is an ad for an Atlanta restaurant, Elmyr, featuring Mastodon guitarist/vocalist Brent Hinds that parodies pharmaceutical ads and is as spot on of a parody as one would need to be. The only thing missing is Hinds riding a motorcycle but still there is golf, yoga, fishing and the guitarist eating a deliciously huge burrito. Hands down, this commercial makes me love Mastodon even more than I already do which is close to impossible. Now if only I had a burrito in my hand.

Video Graveyard (Halloween Edition)

Yes, indeed, this is a very special edition of Video Graveyard featuring a video that truly scared me as a kid and still creeps me out as an adult. That video is Herbie Hancock's "Rockit," also known as the other musical performance clip that scared me that was not the "Time Warp" party scene in Rocky Horror Picture Show. Mind you, I was between three and six when I encountered both yet was enamored by the Evil Dead 2 ads in the paper when I was seven because was poster for it looked so cool.

Anyway, I am getting off point and want to go on record to say that this is, hands down, the scariest video I have ever watched. There are freaky robot legs walking around a living room, a weird pterodactyl looking robot and scary mannequins moving about. Yikes! Several years ago, my ex teased me about still being scared of the video despite having a love for robots and wanting a robot best friend when I was a kid. I then showed her this video and she understood my genuine fear of what happens when Herbie Hancock goes hip hop and uses vocoders. The song, however, still rocks.

Video Graveyard

The song is excellent and the video is neither old nor bad. It, however, is long and confusing so that should count for something. Kanye West's 34-minute video for "Runaway" is either a look at a bloated, excessive exercise in music video making, a infomercial for West's new album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (due Nov. 22) or one of the most brilliant things I have ever watched. I am not sure which one it is but the answer lies somewhere within those three things. The video is, or so I think, a metaphor for the last couple of years of West's life from the events leading up to 808's and Heartbreak to the embarrassing Taylor Swift VMA moment last year and its backlash. If not, West just out-lynched David Lynch and released some bizarre video with a bird woman screeching at turkeys, a three-minute ballerina solo, a marching band parade with Michael Jackson's head, a dinner party, fire, samples of his new album and atrocious acting. On that note, here is the 34-minute, uncensored clip to "Runaway" as well as the edited video if you would rather just get to the song.

Video Graveyard

Many times I have often wondered what it would have been like if Wendy O. Williams and Gallagher had a child together. Okay, maybe not but if I did, I imagine the child would look something like this video by Art of Noise. Come on, it is a weird little punk girl ordering a bunch of weird older guys in suits to destroy saxophones and pianos with circular saws and sledgehammers. What about this does not scream Plasmatics in suspenders and smashing watermelons. Now, that I think about it, they should have placed a watermelon inside the piano and smashed it.

Video Graveyard

Hightower and Jones wishes to express condolences to the families of Gary Coleman and Dennis Hopper, both whom passed away this Memorial Day weekend. In their honor, I would like to dedicate this edition of Video Graveyard to both actors and their contributions to the music world in both music video and live performance.

Video Graveyard

I like to think of this video as Dawn Of The Dead but with angsty, suburban teenagers taking over a mall and caging adults instead of zombies raiding the food court. Thanks, New Radicals and director Evan Bernard for this truly horrifying world of teenagers running amok while they harass people serving them food and acting crazy to music better suited for shopping at The Gap instead of comandeering a whole mall. Then again, for terrorism on such a juvenile, suburban level, I guess New Radicals would be the soundtrack for the armageddon.

Video Graveyard

This edition of Video Graveyard is a tribute to Captain Lou Albano who passed away yesterday at the age of 76. In the 80's, WWE (then known as WWF) took part in a whole Rock-N-Wrestling angle involving MTV and Cyndi Lauper. In this angle, Albano and Lauper feuded with each other and used two famous wrestlers (Wendi Richter, The Fabulous Moolah) to settle their fued. Out of this collaboration, Albano appeared in two of Lauper's videos ("Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" and " The Goonies 'R' Good Enough). All of which are awesome and The Goonies video being more so than the other due to a bunch of 80's wrestlers being in it (Rowdy Roddy Piper, Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff, The Fabulous Moolah, etc...awesome). This along with two extra videos that people around my age fondly remember from the early 90's. I'll just say it involves a certain famous Italian plumber. Rest in peace, Captain Lou and thanks for your contributions to music video and well, wrestling.

Video Graveyard

A couple of weeks ago, I posted Hammer and Deion Sanders' video for "Straight To My Feet" which provided a friend a chance to finally see a video he never wanted to see ever again. As we were talking, I told him there are a couple of truly, embarrassing Hammer videos. Two of which make up this post.

Video Graveyard

Call me foolish or call me insane but, this weekend, I plan on watching two of the classiest cinematic achievements of all time, back to back. These films are Street Fighter and Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li. It is from Street Fighter that we were given the genius video for this edition of Video Graveyard entitled "Straight To My Feet" and is performed by Hammer and Deion Sanders.

Yes, that Deion Sanders.

Video Graveyard

This isn't a old video nor is it a dead video. After seeing it the other morning, I wish it were both. Ladies and gentlemen, here's "Blame It" by Jamie Foxx.

Video Graveyard

"Flavor" by The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion

This is the video where mid-90's cool becomes cooler. "Flavor" features 90's NYC cool band The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion merging their manic, noisy, blues rock world with 90's LA cool up and comer Beck's world of slacker freestyles and dissonance. Also, there's hibachis, a Run DMC homage and a cameo from Mike D of Beastie Boys.